Your Mistakes Don’t Define You

I want to address that huge grey cloud that hangs above many of our heads – mistakes. Do you let your mistakes in your career and life define you, and how do you accept, atone, and heal from mistakes made in the past?

In today’s competitive world, there’s a huge stigma attached to failure. It was not until recently that I was able to really accept the mistakes I’ve made earlier in my career. And it wasn’t easy. It felt like I was opening a Pandora’s Box of feelings. Shame, fear, guilt and embarrassment clouded my mind whenever I tried to think about my mistakes.

I’ve spoken out about how tenacious and confident I am. Yet, when I think about my past mistakes, I recoil in fear of being judged and of being seen as an imposter.

But I want to change that. Not just for my own happiness, but for the sake of all young people who are afraid of making mistakes. We often feel that we need to be perfect all the time. I want to say – STOP. This type of perfectionism is toxic and can be harmful to you in the long run.

I have finally come to terms with my mistakes and want to share how I dealt with the aftermath of these mistakes, hoping that it will help you deal with your own mistakes. But before I discuss how I dealt with them, I want to say i’m genuinely sorry to the people I worked with whom I wronged. I’m also remorseful for the consequences of my actions during this period.

It is also important to tell you what these mistakes were. Now, let me tell you, sharing this wasn’t easy. Even years later, I still wasn’t ready to put them out there. But I am now. Call it maturity or confidence, I am at a point where I take a more pragmatic look at my life and the decisions that have shaped me.

Yes, even my mistakes have shaped me.

Let me paint a quick picture of who I was in my early 20’s. I was the type of girl who focussed on results, at whatever cost. I wanted to prove myself, be heard… and seen. I was confident, even bullish. I was determined to prove myself and convince others I could do an outstanding job. I didn’t really listen to anyone, even my team when there were signs of trouble. I felt like it was me against the world, feeling that others were holding me back. So I acted first and then dealt with (sometimes ignored) consequences. Consequences were just small hurdles I needed to overcome to achieve my goals.

But sometimes, consequences can be costly.

Once, early in my career, I was in charge of planning a huge campaign. I wanted to go all out and make it a success – at any cost. Quite literally, at any price. I completely overlooked the piling costs. I didn’t want to be blamed for a poorly executed event. Being inexperienced, I clocked up thousands of dollars without batting an eye. To make a long story short – I ended up having to foot the entire hefty bill!

This incident should have been a humbling reminder to me to think about the consequences of my actions. But soon after this incident, I went on to make another massive blunder in my career.

Still reeling from the above debacle, I wanted to prove that I could still succeed. I set up my own business backed by investors and armed with zero knowledge of running a company. From the get-go, I focused on the wrong things – especially when it came to spending. I opted for a city office without thinking about more cost-effective options. Very soon, my company went belly-up. This was yet another blow to my ego.

The above is a very brief description of everything I went through during what I would describe as the darkest period of my career. My CV carried a “gap year” that even I couldn’t get around to explaining. For the longest time, I felt I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I lost friends over these incidents. It took me years to pick myself up and move on. However, I want my story to be constructive to young people.

Though I am still the same determined, tenacious girl, I see things differently now and armed with more life experiences!

So here are my learnings from this grey patch in my career:

• As with healing from anything devastating in your life, you need to heal from mistakes as well. And there is a process to do this. The first step is always acknowledgement.
• Never overlook your own mistakes or brush them off. Accept them and learn from them.
• Listen to your team and accept help, especially when they give you warning signs of an impending disaster.
• Swallow your ego and pride, and don’t let it get the best of you.
• Atone for your mistakes. Basically, face the consequences and take responsibility! Fix, or at least try to fix, broken bridges. Fixing broken bridges takes time, and sometimes you need to let time heal wounds. In my case, quite literally, pay for them!
• Be introspective. Look out for destructive patterns and figure out why you do the things you do. It was only much later on that I realized that my life was dysfunctional during that time. I had just lost my dad. He was my rock, my confidant and my biggest supporter. I only wish I had dealt with that grief in the right way instead of letting my grief affect other areas of my life.
• Have a safety net of supportive people. Tough times call for tougher people. As much as these tough times show you who you are, they show you who your true friends are. Surround yourself with people who not just agree with you but are genuinely invested in your well-being.
• Finally, do not be afraid of making mistakes!

While mistakes like mine can be costly, they were a very necessary learning at that point in my life. I have also realized that while these mistakes shaped me, they don’t define me!

Mistakes are not just inevitable; they are needed for us to grow in experience and character. They shape your personality, and hey, they make for a good story somewhere down the line! After all, your twenties are meant for making mistakes and experiencing new things. These “life learnings” help you figure out what you want and do not want to be a part of your future.